Well I have made it through the Christmas holiday and for the most part it was a really good one. Lots of time with family and seeing my girls growing up. Holidays also bring around a lot of mental, as well as increased physical, pain that cannot be explained. I had several anxiety attacks over the holiday season. I can't even say what really brought them on but most likely they were because of the stressful year that I have had Losing many loved ones take a toll, as does the first holiday without them.
I met with my pain management doctor and she is trying me on a new medicine. It's not really new but it is very new to me. It is called nucynta. So far it seems to help but as all pain meds go it is addictive and doctors just don't want to be responsible for addiction. It seems ironic to even develop pain medication if one can't use it. I understand addiction but much research shows that when pain medication is effective and used correctly the risk of addiction is very small if at all. I am one of the good patients that never asks for refills early and takes my medications as I am told. I know so many people who do not do that and they are the reason that people with pain like myself can't get help. The doctors and the public remember the BAD patients and hold the rest of us in that same image. Especially people with pain like mine that doesn't "look" like it hurts! Just because one cannot see my pain as a scar, a wound, a burn, a surgery, or other imags of pain doesn't mean that I and people like me do not hurt.
Part of my treatment plan is to exercise. If you are reading and you have chronic pain, you already know how hard that can be. It is an endless cycle of not feeling good enough to drag yourself out of bed and then do something you already know is going to cause you pain. However if I don't get out of bed and DO something then the pain is even worse. I am trying to lose weight to take pressure off of the joints that hurt. This is supposed to help me. I need to lose a good 50 pounds to be around the size that I should be a lot closer to! That is code for I probably need to lose more then that but well... I have successfully lost about 12 pounds so far but I really don't feel any better. As a matter of fact my joints hurt worse if anything. This causes the me to wonder if anyone really knows what they are talking about. I KNOW that losing weight will help in the long run but today...I feel as if it is a pointless waste of energy that I just can't seem to drag out of myself. I continue on but it is a hard decision and many days my body and mind are at war trying to decide what I am going to do. I have until the first of the year to get my act in gear. Starting January first I will be walking on the treadmill every day. I am already dreading weekend but I know that helping my body exercise will be better in the long run. I know the arguments inside and out but it is still a hard decision. So my readers what do you do for exercise? How do you make yourself do something you don't want to do?
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